I came back to the Lord on Dec 25, 1995. I cannot even begin to tell you what an absolutely glorious experience it was. There are no words to describe the year 1996! It was one of the most painful years of my life but I felt God’s presence stronger that I ever have before or since. It was without a doubt a supernatural year for me!
So anyway, I continued to live for the Lord after that but not as passionately as I did that year. I know that it is our human nature to seek God the most when we are in pain but when crisis mode is over we tend to fall into complacency of one form or another….our loss. I still loved the Lord but I didn’t feel that fire in my soul like it had been.
My marriage ended and not long after my ex-husband passed away. I moved to Missouri, trying to provide for me and my daughter. Life was chaotic and I struggled. It literally took me seven years to heal from the wounds of my marriage and feel like a whole person again. For a long time it was all I could do to keep my head above water financially and raise Megan the best I could. The Lord got me through a lot of things!
Around the end of that seven years, my daughter lost her husband in Afghanistan and a new year of chaos started. At the end of that year I was an empty-nester and went back to college to finish my bachelor and grad degree…at 54! Life had calmed down, I had a good job and I should have been happy.
Something was missing…and it was spiritual. My soul was so dissatisfied. I tried several different churches and nothing seemed right. By now I was in a new job at the University and worked many, many hours of overtime. I had some health issues by this point. I had no time for social/family life or, more importantly, working on my spiritual life. I was living the American rat race! ;)
Everything in me was longing for a simpler life. I wanted, I NEEDED, the freedom of choosing how I spent the hours of my day….regardless of the cost. My soul longed for more of Jesus and my life was too crazy to make time for Him, 30 minutes a day wasn’t enough…AND the longer I lived this hectic life the worse I felt physically. I HAD to make a change.
So most of you know the next part of the story. I wanted to quit my job but it would take some drastic planning and lifestyle changes. I planned and saved for two years and retired early in October 2015. I lived with my daughter for six months while we got my tiny house to liveable condition. It took me a while but I finally got it finished...for the most part!
Since that time I have literally spent HOURS seeking God, filling my heart and mind with his Word and searching my soul…and I DO NOT like what I have discovered. I feel like we have all inherited a massive deception and have just believed what we have been told…hook, line and sinker. My heart is so heavy with what I am learning and I think about it constantly…ask my daughter!
I’ll be honest with you…at first I asked the Lord several times if I was losing my mind. The more I read my Bible the more confused I became…. What is wrong with us? What is wrong with the church? Why have we let things get to this point? How?
But I kept praying, reading and researching. And suddenly proof that I was on the right track started popping up everywhere….good, solid, historical and Biblical proof. And before I explain what I have been talking about I want to say this. I have spent weeks trying to figure out how to present this in a compassionate and coherent manner. I have broken it down into about three posts. Some of what I will tell you will not be easy to hear. Please hear me out and please research what I say.
So here goes….
Almost everything about current Christianity in America is FAKE!! (probably about 80 % if I had to guess). As in made up and bearing little or no resemblance to the life of the New Testament believer. And I can prove it.
PLEASE, PLEASE UNDERSTAND…this is not to be critical or mean to churches, pastors or members. We have inherited this deception and we need to seriously take a look at it.
We are in serious trouble here. Sinners don’t want anything to do with church and I don’t blame them. Most “Christians” think nothing of sleeping around, drinking like a fish, and basically living just like the world and even go to church and post scriptures on Facebook….THIS IS WRONG!
DOES ANYONE EVEN CARE WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT HOW WE LIVE? (sorry for yelling)
Now I have something to say to the unbelievers…
I am sorry. I apologize that we, the Christians, have been a pathetic example for you. Jesus is much more that what our lives have shown you.
I apologize that when you do happen to go to church that you don’t feel the presence of a holy God, that you don’t feel like you fit it and most likely, don’t even feel welcome.
I apologize that when you were sick in the hospital your Christian neighbor didn’t come and pray with you. That when you were hungry we didn’t feed you. We have failed you, and Christ, miserably.
I ask for your forgiveness on behalf of all of us.
And while I am at it, I might as well make a few confessions.
During my years since coming back to the Lord I have failed often in representing Christ as I should. I have repented and try to daily go to the Lord and search my heart.
I have done things that I shouldn’t have and am ashamed. I have talked about people when I should have kept my mouth shut. I have made vows that I didn’t keep. I have spent money on worthless things and neglected to help the poor instead of buying myself a new phone or a new dress. And if you are really honest you would have to admit that possibly this describes you as well.
I have wasted hours on the internet instead of reading my Bible. I have failed to be a good neighbor or a good family member. And I know that being busy can seem like a good excuse but nobody forces us to maintain the American lifestyle, do they? We live the way we do by choice…keeping up with the Joneses has become a way of life….Christians should be smarter than that.
There are many times that I should have been the hands and feet of Jesus and wasn’t. I have asked his forgiveness and I ask for yours.
So please give me a chance to explain the FAKE church bit…I will be doing two more posts to explain and prove my comments. You will be shocked. Post #2 will be titled the New Testament Church and Post #3 will be titled Traditions of Men.
And one last thing to mention. This post does NOT mean that I am struggling with my relationship with the Lord. I miserably crave His presence but that is a good place to be in. I have had some wonderful times with the Lord through the years and He has polished me and used me many times. But I am disgusted with what we have been led to believe is a beacon for Christianity...a building where people meet once a week and live the way they want the rest of the week. A place where people gather under the banner of Christ and yet the participants don’t even read His letters to us or follow His commandments. The church concept we recognize today does not resemble what Jesus and the disciples began....it has morphed into a joke. That is what I am going to show you....what it should be and how it got so messed up. We have been so conditioned to settle for the imposter “church” that we don’t know what the real “church” is supposed to look like.
I love you.
I just want to be ready when He comes. I want to give up everything I have to so I can be so full of His Presence that it will spill over onto everyone around me and all of our lives will be changed. I want you to love Him as much as I love Him. I want you to know how wonderful He is. I want you to be ready.
Cindy
